Selling Ourselves Short

This is quite an uncomfortable thing to write about. That being said, I'm not going to hold back for fear of sounding narcissistic or like a spoiled princess. I know too many women experiencing the same thing and they deserve an honest account and discussion of this subject.

So here it is, dating down. Man, do I see so many women date down. In some cases I am talking about looks but mostly I am talking about effort, ambition, creativity, generosity, leadership, affection, and success. I am blessed to know so many powerful, intelligent, and passionate women. For some reason, I can probably name at least one partner of each of them who was so unworthy of their time.

Why do we push unmotivated men? Why do we settle for a half ass relationship or "talking" (hooking up and hanging out without the label, shared meals, quality time, etc.) Why? Why did I feel the need to keep giving a guy the time of day after he disrespected me on more than one occasion? Why did I continue texting him first every time when he had no clue what a blessing having me in his life? Or that the chance to date me is pretty rare and sought after to be honest. I deserve someone so passionate, so loving, and so forthright about how he feels about me that he is shouting about it from the rooftops. I don't bust my ass to be a good person, woman, friend, daughter, employee, etc to be with a guy who is complacent with just getting by and putting in minimal effort to all of his endeavors and responsibilities. Why am I attracted to jaded know-it-alls when I seek other virtues in myelf and those with whom I surround myself? I deserve a man that rivals me in compassion and generosity. I know I know I know this and still I talk to guys who are money-focused, selfish, and cold.

Recently a close friend from high school reached out to me. We saw each other at a gathering a couple days prior. He was my first high school boyfriend and puppy love in the 9th grade. He told me about his feelings for me and how he really wanted to try seeing each other again. He said he had tunnel vision on work, family, and his side projects but that because we got along so well and made each other laugh constantly that it would be easy for us. He was so sweet and romantic and it was the first time I had been pursued and appreciated like that in awhile. Hanging out with him recently has been nice, until I texted to confirm his intentions. "I am not really looking for a relationship right now but I enjoy hanging out with you." What a slap in the face. Even when a nice guy demonstrates interest, he still falls short of the expectations I had developed from his initial proposal.

It frustrated me because I am looking for the love of my life. I've gone through the crush phase, the having fun phase, and the loving my independence and freedom phase. I want to find my ultimate best friend and until I find the person who is on pace with me in ambition, compassion, intellect, and spontaneity then I will continue loving myself as I deserve, and you should too.

To my loved ones who voted for Trump

Dear Loved Ones,

I know you aren't evil and I know that most of you are not racist. I know some of the women in my life who voted for Trump support women's rights and want me to have every opportunity my male counterparts do. I know most of you didn't know that he would do all the things he's doing, but we tried to warn you.

I am so frustrated with you. You were complacent in electing a monster because he falsely aligned himself with the republican party and conservative ideals. He does not value the things you do or believe in the things you do. The only loyalty he has is to money and the only value he holds is a commitment to making plenty of it.

We told you so many times all of the bad he has already done. We told you about his housing discrimination lawsuit, his fake university, his bankruptcies, his crude comments, even videos of him bragging about sexual assault. You chose to look away. You said "you aren't a political person" or "Hillary is a criminal" and turned off your brain afterwards. You didn't regularly peruse Trump's social media accounts. I truly believe that any intelligent and compassionate person could not have voted for Trump with a clean conscience if he consistently read his tweets. Impossible. Trump is a hateful toddler on Twitter. He publicly insults anyone who disagrees with him, complains about the media portraying him as an asshole, and spews bullshit at all hours of the day.

You didn't understand why so many people across our country mourned on Nov. 9th. We mourned and mourned and you went about your day, thinking how it was time for a Republican to be elected again. You even said that "it's time that the country comes together to support our new President" and to this ignorant statement we answered with "Not My President." You still didn't get it. We could feel that what was to come was going to try and suffocate us and those around us, while you were in your normal Wednesday routine.

Now we have seen Trump revert progress with global reproductive rights, the Muslim Ban, watched as he appointed under-qualified individuals to heads of his cabinet, even people who detested the office which they now oversee. We saw him gut out the EPA, watched him propose a budget that in no way prioritizes the well being of America's citizens, thereby making nothing "great again." He does what he wants and when criticized, he tells government employees to agree with him or leave their post. He has consistently lied and broken campaign promises. He rushed to oust the Affordable Care Act but could not bring quality reform to the floor of Congress even with an astounding political majority.

Since his election, we also saw the roar of the left and many human rights and advocacy organizations. We organized and carried out the largest mass demonstration in world history, the Women's March. An estimated 2.9 million people from around the globe and an estimated 500,000 in D.C. alone protested against the hatred and ignorance on which Trump's campaign stood.

The greatest thing I have seen come out of Trump's election? As I scrolled through Instagram, I came upon one of my favorite goofy humor accounts. It was a headline of Trump's most recent ridiculous statement: political news on a comedy social media account. I have seen political discussions in places they never were before, welcoming signs valuing diversity in neighbor's yards, and many more instances where politics is out of place. With reality TV slipping into the public policy sphere with Trump, so has the political dripped into pop culture more heavily since Trump was elected.

A more engaged citizenry is exactly what we need. The percentage of eligible citizens in this country who do not vote is incredibly high for an industrialized democracy. Clearly, politics needed to grab the attention of more Americans. If it had before the election, I don't believe the outcome would have been the same. I also deeply believe that if you had been paying attention to Trump, his policy stances, and his scandals, you would not have been so eager to support a man without a spine. Nevertheless, I love you. I hope to see you soon, and even better if it's at the next rally.

                                                                                                                 -Jessica

Envious Moon and the Inspired Boy

I cant take credit for the best part about this post. I was lucky to have been romantic with someone who was always so passionate and inspired. He doesn't know that I am posting this but I thought it deserved to be displayed. He just sent this casually through a text one night after we hung out. 

"...Haven't you noticed every night we spend together is magical? Outside for a moment the wind stops blowing, the stars cease their twinkling and the moon tilts slightly, trying to get a glimpse of what's going on in the place where I'm with you. The moon looks at me with envy then turns back, he can't stand seeing you with me and especially he knows he's way too far to have you. The stars and wind notice the upset moon. The stars twinkle to cheer up the moon but he says your eyes twinkle with a stronger, more dazzling flame. The wind starts to whistle again and tries to cheer him up with happy tunes but he says the tune of your voice and words have a more enticing and vibrant melody. It all happens very quickly but I usually notice it, then I smirk at the moon, kiss you and let him be in his misery."

We weren't meant for each other but it makes me believe in love. 

Back with updates and random things to say

So sorry I have not posted. Usually when I am in the mood to write on here I remember all the homework I have and then go get on Facebook. Since exams are around the corner and I have so much studying to do and two papers due in two days, this is the opportune time to return to the blogosphere or whatever they call it. 

There's lots of topics I want to speak on but for now I'll just give a general update on life. 

This second semester at the University of Michigan has been the best four months of my life. I didn't think I could love life in Ann Arbor more after my first semester but I was wrong. I have found the right balance of work and fun and I have made some amazing friends. I thank God for the opportunity to attend this school and come into contact with all the people I have met and learned from. I am the happiest I have ever been and am so grateful to those who have ever encouraged me in any way because there were times during the fall term when I thought I could never keep up with these UM smarty pants. Not many people from Flint have the chance to come here and I am trying my best to represent my city because even if I haven't called or texted enough, I love all my friends and family there. Although I have become extremely attached to Ann Arbor but I am so proud to be from the 810. I don't think there is an acquaintance of mine here who does not know my hometown ;)

Spring is upon us and this means I am going to have more time to express my thoughts and opinions, so those of you who read and care, here are some upcoming topics 

Anonymity on a big state school campus

UM advantages and disadvantages

Career aspirations and future plans 

Music 

Gender issues, male privilege, women's body image and self-perception

If there's any other topics you would like me to write about please don't hesitate to email me at jeller@umich.edu or comment below 

Thanks so much for reading, 

Jessica 

Idolization of Celebrities

       This is a satirical paper I wrote for AP English last year. I found it on my old USB drive so I decided to share it. Enjoy.

        “Celebrities are people too.” What a ridiculous thought. It is common knowledge that celebrities are gods of entertainment, caged animals on display for the world to enjoy and ridicule. They choose to be famous and they know that being an actor or singer means paparazzi and gossip magazines focusing on them.  That is why they go into those careers. However, despite the monumental amount of attention stars are receiving from loyal fans and critics, they still feel as though they are not getting enough time in the spotlight.

          Buying every single one of their movies or albums is not enough. Posting videos of them performing every ten minutes on Facebook is not enough. “Following” their every word on Twitter is not enough. Talking about them as if we know them personally and passing judgment on them is not enough. Browsing through embarrassing pictures of them on the internet is not enough. Stalking their romantic partners and making up rumors about their relationships is not providing the amount of attention they need. Famous people deserve to have all the attention they desire, so we need to show our appreciation by giving them what they ask of us. As ordinary people, we need to utilize our right to the knowledge of celebrities’ personal lives even more than ever before.

        Some people already are very close to worshipping their favorite celebrity. We need to follow their visionary example. The first step is to choose a top famous person. After that, add them on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, and learn everything there is to know about them. Check Youtube and Google hourly to make sure you stay up to date on every aspect of his or her life. It is crucial to know who his or her significant other is, favorite food, favorite color, and even where they went to high school. Do not stop there! Any other scrap of information you can find furthers your demonstration of devotion. Make sure to emulate the chosen celebrity in every way possible. Eat what he eats, dress how he dresses, talk like he talks. It is impossible to take it too far. Most importantly, buy everything that has anything to do with him or her. Money is the loudest form of support and our poor celebrities are craving our praise.

After mastering the idolization of a celebrity, take on this challenge: worship as many celebrities as can be handled. Some can be bundled together for convenience. For example, one could easily stalk all three of the older Kardashian sisters simultaneously because they frequently appear on the same television shows, in the same magazines, and at the same events. All celebrities ought to have the amount of affection they yearn for so do not only focus on one.

         Additionally, we can give celebrities attention indirectly through supporting the companies that focus on celebrities and their personal lives. Always tune in your television to catch the latest episode of Entertainment Tonight and E! News. They are amazing at spreading news of celebrities’ families, failures, mistakes, and anything that one would never want televised about themselves. There are also many websites that are faithful in revealing private information about stars. By visiting these websites constantly, one is giving famous people the notice they hunger after. If an article about how Miley Cyrus has cellulite receives numerous views, then more paparazzi will be following her wherever she goes. These paparazzi will wait hours to photograph her and yell rude comments to trigger negative reactions out of her. Consequently, Miley Cyrus would be much happier because she would feel loved and important.

      Stars do not value privacy like normal people. It is a concept that is far too complex for our common heads to understand. We need to honor our prestigious celebrities by satisfying their desire to be animals in cages full-time. We have a duty to stalk them all the time, not just when it is convenient for us. Follow the above suggestions and America’s celebrities will feel extremely fulfilled in their purpose to serve as entertainment and the topic of gossip. 

The Big Scary D-word.

      I have been procrastinating on writing this post. I know I need to tell this story, but sometimes it still feels too raw and uncomfortable to talk about. I am afraid people will judge me for this experience. However, I recently found out that October 11th is National Depression Screening Day. Here in Ann Arbor, this means that there are a few locations around the city where you can receive a free, anonymous consultation with a health care professional to check for depression. I took that as a sign that it was time to write. This cause is important to me because I recently had a bout with depression and before that, I never thought it would impact me. This post is to clear up some misconceptions about depression by telling my story.
        First off, I got voted "most happy" in my school's senior mock elections. I was super involved, friendly, and outgoing. I had a great home life and I was supported by my loving family. This does not fit the description of someone who is vulnerable to becoming depressed. I thought it was for people with rough lives and bad situations. I was completely wrong. My last week of summer before my senior year I was ecstatic to begin school. I had waited three long years to be a senior. I could not wait for fun classes, homecoming, time with friends, etc. 
        A few weeks into the year I became overwhelmed about college and my future. I had no clue what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. I was paranoid about not being smart enough for a few of my classes. I fell into a bad depression. It was a sick cycle. I would feel extremely sad and then I would feel guilty about being sad. I thought, "I have an amazing life, I have no substantial problems, who am I to feel this way? Others in horrible situations are still content. I must be ungrateful." The guilt I made myself feel made me become more depressed. I only told a few people about it. When they would ask, "What happened? Why are you depressed?" I did not really have a good answer. I did not understand why this was happening. All my other senior friends dealt with hard classes and college decisions seemingly well. 
       What is it like to feel depressed? The worst feeling I have ever had. I questioned my intelligence, I felt ugly, overweight, unwanted, socially awkward, I couldn't keep up conversations. I lost my shine and my bright personality. I felt like a source of stress for my parents because they were so worried about me. I dreaded Thursdays because that was when I had to lead the meetings for my anti-bullying club, EFA. I was scared to drive because I often zoned out and found myself miles away from where I stopped paying attention. I could not trust my own mind. "Did I perceive that wrong, did I over-think this, am I imagining that?" Every day tasks seemed daunting. I wanted so badly to just snap out of it. Everyday I woke up hoping it was gone. I prayed every night asking God to help me shake it off. I wanted to know the solution. The weekends were the worst. I stayed in the house a lot and I could feel the weight of my parents concern and their watchful eyes on me. They suggested going to the doctor for help, but I was afraid that medication would make me stray farther from my identity. Plus, the depression came so fast, could I even label it depression yet? 
      This lasted for about three months. I did not just magically wake up one day and it was gone. I became myself again, pieces at a time. It took lots of encouraging words from loved ones, acknowledging my success in school, finding a direction with my future, and I finally stopped marginalizing my problems. I was lucky. For some people, things like that are not enough to pull you out of it. I was very scared that the transition from high school to college would bring it back. I am SO grateful that is not the case. I am extremely happy here. Every now and then, something will remind me of those months and I will cringe. I wanted to share this story of mine because I know that I am not alone in experiencing this. There are probably others who kept their depression hidden by trying to act happy at school or work like I did. If you think you might be depressed, I encourage you to tell someone you love/trust. I could never have gotten through that experience without all the support I had. 

Hey professor, that skirt is too short for me to take you seriously

     *This post is a work in progress because my understanding of gender equality evolves and grows everyday. I would love for you to contact me with questions and comments. 

       Gender inequality in our society is something that I have paid a lot of attention to in the last couple years. This  semester I am taking a Women's Studies/ Sociology course titled "Gender and the Law." I also have a first year seminar about social identity, justice, and community. One of the main social identities we analyze and discuss is sex. 
      There really isn't any disputing the fact that sexism is alive and well. Men are praised or overlooked for their promiscuity while women are disrespected and gossiped about for theirs. What can be done about the double standards that exist for women in American (and many other) societies?
       The other day we studied an employment discrimination case that involved a woman not being promoted because she was not "feminine" enough. She would have been promoted to partner in an accounting firm. My professor said that "One of the criticism's her employer brought up was that she cursed and that 'professional women do not curse.' Fuck that." My professor's language made the whole class crack up but it caught my attention in a different way. I did not like that she cursed. I asked myself why. Cursing is such a double standard when it comes to sex. A man is just a man when he curses but a woman becomes trashy and foul-mouthed. Do I perpetuate this inequality by not swearing? 
    What about the fact that I dress modestly? It is recognized that a girl who covers up her body is usually more respected by men than those who keep their bodies on display. Is this not a double standard? Why can't I walk around in a tank top and short-shorts and be judged for what I say and do? Why do I have to hide my body to gain respect from men and women alike? Why is there a connection with clothing choices and honor only when judging a woman? Shouldn't we be judging women on their character and not what they do or don't wear? The girls that choose to cover up aren't even judged for their words and actions. They are just judged positively based on their choice to dress modestly.
Is gaining gender equality a game that needs to be played by men's standards, i.e. not cursing, covering up, etc. or is it rebelling: dressing how we want, and cursing if we please, until it is the norm?